I wrote the following story when I was in the 4th grade. It is very, very dumb. The benefit for you, however, it that being so dumb it is extremely amusing. Well, it is for me anyway, I don't know if it will be for anyone else. If you stumbled across this page and are wondering why I bothered to post this story, check out this other post. Anyway, I found it in a box in my parents' basement, written in a large, shaky, cursive script and full of spelling and punctuation errors--which I've left in this transcription for your further amusement. When I re-read it for the first time the other day, I laughted my head off. I hope it's nearly as fun for you.
Attack of the Sominums!
I was a Saturday, July 28, 26002 (A.D.) 4:12 (A.M.) and something weird was coming through the atmouspere. Suddenly there was a big crash and a hole right throug Mt Everest, then through the Sierra Nevada Range and it finally landed in St. Paul Minnisota. Fire, panic, and pandemonium spread throughout the city!! Then an eyesplitting light was all over turning evrything within a 34X29 foot radius into stone!
All of a sudden they saw the spaceship, it looked like a big Advil. Suddenly it blasted off, to Winona, to hide. By this time it was 8:34 (A.M. still saturday). A boy named Paul and his mothor we getting ready for a picnic in Winona. (little did they know that the aliens were there).
When they got there they set out the food and the radio-t.v., then Paul said.
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Okaay let's find a cave or a shelter."
So they went looking and found a old abandoned barn.
"Let's go in here," his mothor said.
"Okay, Paul said
"This sure is spookey, let's investagate."
"Wait a minute hear that noise."
"Yeah!! It's getting louder!
"Look at those broken down doors! All of a sudden I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore. Geese it's all slimy! Paul said.
Then out of nowhere lazer beams were firing from all sides! Now the shooting stopped. It was quiet untill, something came crashing throug the wall!!! It...It looked like a cross between a buffalo, a tomato, earthworm, and spinach!
"Ooooooooo that's disgusting! Paul said.
Paul's mothor just about fainted.
"Come on Mom, get up, pick up a stick or something, we gotta' fight 'em!"
"Yeah...Ahhh right. Okay lets go!"
"Waste 'em Ahhhhh!"
"Bam Oooo Ahhh Bam Bam Bam"
"Son" his mothor said "I'm going to get the armed forces! You hide behind those Hefty garbage-cans we saw at the front door."
"Sure Mom. Just two more hits."
"I got one of them!!"
"Can you hear it?!"
"Yes I really can!"
"It seemed like years for Paul. Finally he saw them First came the Navy. Then he saw the Army troopers! Next the Marines. Finally flying overhead, the F-14, F-16, Skystreak-2-DA! Then Paul came running out yelling:
"The Air Force, Mommy Mommy you saved the world!!"
"Well Paul a womans got to do what a womans got to do."
"Come on General get the bombs, the missles, the guns, the connons get 'em out! Hurry!!"
"He doesn't belive us Paul," his mothor said.
"Ahhh! The worlds about to be taken over and the Generals gonna' let it! Well I'll prove it! Hey you, you dopes in there! The Nexus of Sominus in a pencil eraser compared to the Milkey Way!!"
Then, the same light that turned everything to stone came shooting out! Luckily they were far enough away not to be turned to stone.
"I'm convinced! the General said. "Let's get going men. We're not going to waste any time today, we're going to use the Atom bomb!"
I'll load it onto an F-16," one of his men said.
"Okay lets hitch up and ship out, the General said
Three minutes later they were in the air.
"Open the hatch," a voice said.
Ten seconds later there was a big explosion. Finally they landed and went home.
boon-dog-gle: (noun) work of little or no value done merely to keep or look busy.
free: (adjective) provided without, or not subject to, a charge or payment.
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."